Now for Something Completely Different –

September 6, 2012

Every once in awhile I find ‘interesting’ e-mail messages in my ‘Facebook: Other Inbox’ … they make me smile and laugh if only because the authors have no understanding of the English language and they think I’ll respond to one of their pleas for my affection. Today I received a doozy… you can’t make this stuff up!!

See if you can spot the phrase that knocked me off my chair in fits of laughter:

“Hi pretty how are you doing.. I’m [name withheld to protect the idiot].. 47 years old , I hope you get this Message and it finds you well, I was glancing through profiles when your gorgeous picture got me attracted while your lovely words had me write you, I really was marveled reading your profile and i enjoyed doing so… The first thing that came to my mind when i saw your picture was..’WOW..you’re drop dead GORGEOUS.. Lol… So i thought i would take out time to introduce myself. I’m looking for a woman who Is warm, loving, attractive,easy going,supportive, someone that can reach out to you, and you reach out , giving that “genital hug”, that “tender kiss”, and a “warm smile”, and just saying to one another “hey baby how was you ! as you already know as you can see what I wrote, I am a romantic and affectionate as well. Piss Remember, I need real love..i don’t play games and i aint ready to be played ..I like for my mate to have some of the same interest I have,I would like for her to be warm as well, I will set no limits to no one, for that is to me something two should talk about, if there are like’s and dislike’s, I always feel that two should come together as one on anything In life that you want to do, or even talk about,communicating is a good thing between two.

I will know her when I meet her, for when I look into his eyes, as I become intoxicated with her soul, is warmth, and the touch of her hand’s, yes I seek that “phenomenal woman”, who want’s a good man to love her, and is able to love me back, a woman who knows how to treat a man with respect, as i would treat her with the same. Well i will stop here .. I will like to know more about you if you don’t mind .. you can send me an email directly to my email address as [idiot’s name withheld]@yahoo.com .. I don’t come here too often to check mails . If you could send me an email or better still add me to your yahoo chat … then i will be grateful .. Have a nice day ..”

I’m resisting the urge to pull out a red pen and go all English teacher on his prose. Since when is giving a compliment is grounds for an “LOL”? And, oy veysmir, why all the quoted phrases?? How many insults to the English language can you count?

Someday my prince will come … right?!? Right????

2 Responses to “Now for Something Completely Different –”

  1. Beth McCabe

    Hilarious! Just received similar message copied and pasted below from some lunatic’s profile on match.com:

    I like for my mate to have some the same interest I have, I would like for her to be warm as well, I will set no limits on one, for that is to something two should talk about, of there like’s and dislike’s, I always feel that two should come together as one on anything in life that you want to do, or even talk about, communicating is a good thing between two.

    I will know her when I meet her, for when I look into her eyes, as I become intoxicated with her soul, is warmth, and the touch of her hand’s, yes I seek that “phenomenal woman”, who want’s a good man to love her, and is able to love me back, a woman who knows how to treat a man with respect, as i would treat her with the same.

    I am interested in finding someone that has the same interests as myself. I also want to share in whatever interests my special someone has as well. I want someone who is smart, funny, goofy at times, not afraid to be silly…but knows when to show her classy side. With all of my activities, I want someone who will join me and share in the fun.

    I’m looking for a woman who Is warm, loving, attractive, easy going, supportive, someone that can reach out to you, and you reach out , giving that “gental hug”, that “tender kiss”, and a “warm smile”, and just saying to one another “hey baby how was you ! as you already know as you can see what I wrote, I am a romantic and affectionist as well. Plss Remember, I need real love..i dont play games and i aint ready to be played, If You are intrested in me let me know

    Me again. uh, no!!!!! How many creepos and scammers are out there? Loads. At least he changed ‘genital’ hugs to ‘gental’ hugs. lol funny! still wrong but, he can be taught…..

  2. Pamela J Starr

    LOLOLOL! At least I’m in good company 🙂

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